Rethinking the Hustle

Today we have a guest post by Tim Powers...

Rethinking the Hustle

Introspection is always an excellent gift to have when you look back through the past chapters in your life and gauge your evolution as a human being. This is especially true for the recovering addict because for the addict, turning the pages of past chapters is peeling back those old layers to get to the mechanisms of what made us tick at that point in time.  We understand how the amalgamation of the experiences and events of our past helped create that addict archetype.  Ultimately, as we page forward in our personal histories that archetype start to rust and give way because we finally see how we were destroying ourselves with our true soul.

In looking back on those poisoned years, there are certain revelations that cause a spark to my memory.  The clearest revelations are the most obvious: I became an individual that I swore that I never be.  My view of addicts were shaped by countless Afterschool Specials of my youth, as well as personal experiences with friends whose parent or other family member was an addict.  Those experiences cemented by resolve to run a different path away from vice and ruin.

What I found, however, was that fact seemed to trace a huge arc back towards the person I swore that I wouldn’t be.  That gradual turn was fueled by feelings in insecurity and a deep-seated desire to fit in and be accepted, even if those feelings were superficial.  I slowly become that character: cunning, manipulative and darkly chameleonic.   In the broadest of strokes, I became the villain pure and simple.

Other revelations, however, were somewhat more difficult to put into words that would be easily understood.  That difficulty wasn’t borne from synthesizing complex visceral emotions into a common denominator.  The difficulty laid in the concept itself because when I would verbalize it people would give me a sideways glance and huge question marks popped up in their thought bubbles.  That revelation was this…..As an addict, I was goal-oriented and focused.

On the surface, that last statement sounds like it comes out of left field.  I will admit, that at first glance that statement rubs against the grain of what it normally hypothesized in the world of the addict.  If you take a step back and use that introspective lens to study the mechanisms and motives behind the thoughts and actions of the addict, it does make sense.  The addict is a goal-oriented creature, but the outcomes we seek and put energy towards is different from what others may strive for to obtain.

For the addict, our definition of what normal is different from what…well…normal people think of what is normal.  For normal people, goals may include buying a house in the suburbs with the white picket fence and having a beautiful trophy spouse, 2.3 kids and a dog.  In other cases it may be going to college and studying your ass off to land that dream job.  I may be simplifying things here, but in order to get what we want we set goals, put plans into motion in order to achieve these goals all in order to achieve happiness, freedom and to claim a piece of that proverbial American pie for ourselves.

For the addict, the underlying mechanisms of achieving goals are the same but the energies put behind those mechanisms are used to achieve different ends.  Looking back on my experiences I thought about what I went through to get booze with no money in my bank account and no job to support myself.  I would sell things to get money, not to pay bills or buy clothes to wear to job interviews, but to buy booze.  I would manipulate my parents to give me money, not to pay my rent, but to buy booze.  I would play one person off of another and cause discord, all in the matter of keeping up appearances that things were alright

Whether I thought about it at the time, I was running my hustle on family, friends and even complete strangers in order to get what I needed in order to satisfy those deepest wants and desires.  An addict may not be able to verbalize a concrete definition of what a hustle is, but they can demonstrate the hustle with broad brushstrokes.  As an addict, we can also create the hustle on the fly and improvise like a jazz musician when situations change or when Plans A, B, and C fail.  You come to realize that the energy is takes to create and maintain a hustle is enormous and very focused—it just so happens that instead of being productive it is geared towards mischievous and sometimes downright devious ends.

In recovery, we are basically retraining ourselves to think, act and conduct ourselves in constructive and healthy ways.  In reality, the art of the hustle doesn’t necessarily disappear—it gets revamped in order to fit into the new, sober mindset and philosophies that have been created and put into motion.  You can think of the hustle as an animal like a monkey, a lion or another creature that has the ability to be trained.  

In addiction, the hustle was used to keep you on a stepwise path from being thrown on the street, dope sick, hungover, in jail or being disowned and thrown to the wolves.  In recovery, the hustle is retooled and that stepwise path points toward growth in the soul and conscience and as a human being.   It is about creating something lasting and genuine.  Ultimately it is about creating a legacy for yourself that you can hang your hat on and can provide inspiration for others to follow.

Tim Powers – bald, tattooed, a business professional by day and rocker by night. Sober by the grace of God since the 8th of May in the year of our Lord 2003. Sharing my stories and myself in order to pay it forward. You can follow me on Twitter @tpowersbass42

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store)