Complacency

The other day I wrote about consistency. Let's can take a look at the opposite side of the coin. I have lost more of my friends to complacency than anything else. It's tricky because it sneaks up on you. Rarely do I see someone relapse out of no where, all though it does happen. Usually we see a very slow, gradual, downward spiral. A person stops doing what is necessary, and they pick up. It comes in many forms, lets take a look.

Acting out - I find this may be a cry for help more than anything. Addicts are attention seekers, and when we are in pain, we generally have a hard time reaching out. We just act impulsively and hope someone notices. This is always a sure sign that someone has been being complacent in his or her recovery.

Promiscuity - This is a bit more of a grey area to me. People are sexual creatures, but sex addiction is also an aspect that many addicts struggle with. It's all about balance. When we recover, generally we improve in all areas of our behavior, so it's not uncommon to see people become more discipline with their sexual conduct. In my experience, once someone becomes complacent in their recovery, and loses some serenity, they will look for gratification in other places. Sex is no acception.

Cutting - This may be a hard aspect to understand for people that haven't experienced it. There is something releasing about acute pain. Once a person loses that serenity due to complacency, they will without a doubt, become irritable and lose their self worth. Cutting is nothing but a coping mechanism for the pain we are in. If you notice a friend or family member start cutting, act quickly, because it is only a matter of time before they pick up a drink.

These are just a few examples as to the negative effects of complacency. For an alcoholic, complacency can be a killer. Stay active. Stay in the middle. It could save your life.

Consistency

I think that life requires consistency. Even outside of recovery, people who succeed in life, are consistent. Speaking only of recovery, the people who are consistent, generally seem to stay clean. Recovery takes work, there is no doubt about it. Having the desire and the ethic to do the work, day in and day out, may be the best weapon against the foe of addiction.

Here's the deal. People who do the work, who takes suggestions, who always do the right thing, stay clean and sober. I have never seen anyone who has consistently done the right thing, relapse. Relapse doesn't just  happen, it is the end result of laziness.

Again, as in many aspects of recovery, there are no shortcuts. If you are consistent, and if you do what your told, than you will stay sober. No questions asked.

Relapse

Speaking only for myself, I have a hard time understanding why people relapse. There are curtain situations in where it makes sense. For instance, if a person is new into recovery, and may not fully understand what he or she is, than I see the reasoning. You don't know if you don't know.

I am more so confused with people who have tasted the fruits of sobriety. The people who have put some clean time together, and have received the gifts that this way of life offers. Why is it that some people, who understand their disease and the beautiful chance at life that is before them, go out and get drunk? I don't know. I am no saint. I am no expert of recovery and/or addiction. I have only my experience and the life lessons I have learned. I don't pretend to know the answers or the reasoning behind why some people make it, and why some insist on drinking. I just get so confused and frustrated by the horrors I see my friends and family go through when under the spell of addiction.

Here's what helps me. I think of my last days using. I think of when I was withdrawing so hard I was unable to stop from vomiting and shaking. I was sweating and my heart was beating so hard sweat beads would jump of my skin at every thumping heart beat. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to fulfill my purpose on earth. I think that the biggest reasoning behind me staying sober, is the fact that I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. I have accepted that I will never be able to drink or use with moderation. I lean on God, and I lean on the people around me. I don't look to far into the future, because all I really have is this moment. I don't drink. I don't use, everything else just seems to fall into place.

Stay clean. Stay sober. Stay happy, joyous and free. Do it for yourself. Do it for your dreams and ambitions. Do it because you have a golden platter of life sitting right in front of you. All you have to do it take it.

Relationships

I try my best not to have a huge opinion on this topic. It is a complicated issue. I like to simplify it when talking about it to people. My simple advice is... TAKE YOUR TIME.

The problem most people have, is that they rush in to relationships. When first coming into recovery, our minds and bodies are going through tremendous stress. For obvious reasons, newly recovering addicts tend to jump into relationships for the simple fact that they are still trying to fill a void. Although, this does temporarily ease the pain, in my experience, it always ends in chaos. 

Simply put, I don't take a stand either way. I don't believe its right or wrong to be in (or not be in) a relationship when first coming into recovery. I just say that through my own experience, you will be doing your self a favor by avoiding it all together. It wont last forever, you will give yourself time to heal, so that when you find a relationship you may want to enter, you will be physically and mentally ready for it.

Sequence of Events

This post is an attempt to share what has worked for me, and what has worked for just about everyone I know who has maintained some sobriety. There are no secrets. This formula works. It is simple, and fool proof.

First - Go to rehab. Shut your mouth. Listen to what people have to say. Your counselors and therapists are not lying to you. Everything they say to you is for your own good and sobriety.

Second - Go to a halfway house. Once leaving rehab your mind and body will be acting in ways that it has never acted before. Your thoughts and emotions will be all over the place. A halfway house is a good way to transition back into life. It will give you a chance to make relationships and build a network of recovering people. You will learn to pay rent, and the managers will keep you accountable.

Third - Get connected. Whether you decide to join a 12 step fellowship. Whether you take a holistic approach, or go the therapy, you can not do this alone. If you reach out to people, and explain your fears, they will help you. Anyone who has escaped the clutches of addiction will be more than willing to give back, and guide you on your path.

Fourth - Give back. The Laws of the Universe always reward spent energy. When you go out of your way to help someone, it will put perspective on what you are doing. When you watch someone grow and gain a better life, it will help your own recovery exponentially.

Fifth - Enjoy your life. We get clean and sober to be happy. I think a lot of people have legitimate fears about being bored in recovery. I myself, was so concerned that I would never have fun again. I'm so grateful that that hasn't been the case. My life is so full of joy, and peace, and contentment. I have found joy in nature, in reading and writing, in food. The list goes on and on. Recovery allows me to become the person I was meant to be. It is crucial that people find something to make them happy. Life is meant to be enjoyed. This is your chance to live the life you always wanted. There is nothing stoping you, other than yourself. Follow these steps, and love your life.

God Bless...

Relapse Prevention

Sober Nation is not a treatment center. We are simply here to provide insight and resources to the struggling alcoholic and addict. With that being said, everyone in our organization is clean and sober, and we have some experience we can share.

Relapse is not a requirement. There is no rule that says you need to test the waters over and over again before you finally decide to get clean. There are no assignments or due dates, there is no endpoint. We strive for constant growth and evolution.

In the recovering community, there are lots of suggestions to take to prevent relapse. Many people build a network to lean upon in weak moments. Many people chose to lean on God and pray. Also, there are always 12 step meetings to attend. Regardless of how you got sober, there is plenty of literature to read which will help with the sudden urges. Personally, I reach out to friends when I am having a weak moment. I remind myself that these thoughts, are just thoughts. That's all. What really matters is what I do.

Our best advice to prevent relapse is simple. DON'T USE. DON'T DRINK. There will be many times when you wan't to. Sometimes you may not be able to get in touch with a friend who can help. Sometimes there may not be an available meeting. When the thought of a cold beer or nice hit will call to you, just don't do it. No matter what it takes. Take a nap, read a book or grab a bite to eat. If you don't use, you can't get high. Eventually the thought will pass, and you are that much closer to another day sober. What's most important is that you stay away from the first one.

Granted, this is much easier said than done. If the holy grail for recovery was as simple as not drinking, than recovery would have a 100% success rate. Of course, recovery is not that cut and dry. But lets think about it for a second...

We can over complicate things. We have developed plenty of useful strategies and coping mechanisms, but at the end of the day, just don't drink. Don't get high. If you put enough days together, eventually your life with start to turn around for the better. You will be happy, joyous, and free. Life is good!

Inventory

One of the greatest things I have learned in my recovery is how to analyze my behavior, and try to work on my defects. I have accepted that there are a lot of flaws in my character. I am stubborn, I don't have the best communication skills, and sometimes I can cop an attitude with people. I try hard to work on these things. The best thing I can do is look at my actions, and try better the next day.

Here's a good example. Being that Sober Nation is run by me and one of my best friends, it can be difficult to work with a close friend, but we try our best. Point is we got in a bit of an argument last night. It was a healthy discussion, and we actually sorted some things out. In the argument, I snapped a bit, and my temper got the best of me. The difference is that in my recovery, I can look back at the mistakes I made, and make amends for them. Not that I needed to give a formal apology, but I felt I needed to call my partner and at least say that I recognized the wrongs in my behavior and actions. You live and you learn.

This is all part of the culture we are trying to instill. If you make a mistake, its not big deal. Recognize where you were at fault, and try to rectify it. Of course we can't be perfect, we are human. Point is we need to continue to grow.

Young in Recovery

Just wanted to write a few paragraphs about the difficulties of being young and being in recovery. It is difficult, to be in your 20's and comprehend never having a drink again. Never being able to have champagne at a wedding, or never drink a beer while watching a football game. I have heard over and over again that young adults are fearful that they will never have fun in recovery. Luckily, that is not the case.

The reality is, the younger the better. Think of all the possibilities and achievements that can be accomplished if we don't waste our youth getting drunk. If we learn to lean on God, to be respectful to ourselves and others, and to have faith. The possibilities are literally endless.

The trick is (speaking only for myself) to not think about it too hard. I don't think about the weddings until they arrive. I don't think about all the drunken celebrations I will miss out on, I just think about getting through the day without a drink. That seems to have been working well for me so far. If your young, and your beginning your journey in recovery, just remember that you have the whole world at your disposal. You are the master of your domain. The world is yours!!!

Balance

"By far the most useful rule in life is nothing to excess." - Terrence, Andria. 116 B.C

Finding balance is tough. No doubt about it. The amount of balance in life is in direct correlation with the amount of serenity. My father told me years ago that too much of anything is bad for you. I think he makes a good point.

Too much food, to much coffee, to much work, or too much fun will eventually consume you. We try to keep that in mind here, because we like to enjoy life and work. It's a constant adjustment. Something goes off kilter, and you adjust. When that aspect is working itself out, something else will become knocked off balance. The whole idea to to just continuously be learning and growing. If you are not growing, you are dying. God Bless...

Journey

There are days when everything is going so well, that we feel we may actually accomplish our dream. There are days when nothing seems to be going right, and we just wan't to throw in the towel. When we come across one of the days when things aren't going so well, I remember that its all about the journey. As addicts we all want what we want, when we want it, how we want it. Unfortunately, that's not the way life is. If you wan't something in life, you have to work for it. Wish there was an easier way, but there's not. Nothing in life worth having comes easy, and we are constantly learning.

I think that's important in all aspects of life, not just work or achievements. There are going to be many moments when we are just unsure of the future, when we are not satisfied with where our life is going. This is where patience is important. It is so hard to be patient. It is so hard to have faith that everything is going to be okay, especially in times when the future seems so uncertain. It always pays off. 

Point is, sometimes the best thing you can do is just believe. The journey is always more important than the destination. So enjoy the moments that seem irrelevant or superfluous. Eventually they all add up to where you are going. God Bless...

Maryann

This post is dedicated to Maryann. She has worked at Sober Nation since we opened our office. Today is her last day. This post is dedicated to her. We wan't to thank her for all that she has done, and to wish her best on her future en devours.

Maryann is a breathe of fresh air. She is always with a pretty smile, and a cheerful attitude that carries through the office. She has worked very hard and has always been supportive of our idea and of our mission to put recovery on the map. Everyone she comes in contact with is a better person after knowing her.

We will miss her here very much. She knows that the door is always open in case she ever wishes to return.

Thank you Maryann!!!

The Recovery Boom

Every Sober Nation team member is in recovery. For the most part, we are all young adults. The longer I stick around the more I am amazed at how many young people are getting into recovery. This tells me two things. First, it tells me that addiction is no joke. Maybe its the media, or society, or the recent influx of pharmaceutical drugs, but for whatever reason kids are getting hooked at an early age. This is a scary thought. The second is that recovery is becoming part of our culture. It is no longer the skeleton in the closet like it was in times past. Due to the internet, the speed and frequency of communication is staggering, and young adults are talking and communicating about their recovery. This is exciting for us. 

We just try to lead this movement of young adults who are discovering that drugs and alcohol don't make you cool. Being a good person, helping other people, and making something of yourself makes you cool. No doubt about it, you are what you do. 

We understand that many 12 step fellowships have traditions that demand anonymity. We are very careful about that. We dont step on any toes, we don't promote any organization. We are simply amazed and excited about how many lives are being changed. How many dreams and ambitions are being fulfilled, for people who ordinarily would be in the gutter. There are millions of young people, like me, who were going no where fast. Thankfully, we are in a world where we can share our hope with each other. God Bless...

Culture

I have a few idols. Tony Hawk, Bruce Lee, Napoleon Hill to name a few.  Within the last two years I have become fascinated with Tony Hseih and his company Zappos. I look up to him. His book literally changed my life, and I try to apply lots of the lessons he taught me into Sober Nation. If you haven't read his book I strongly suggest it,  its called Delivering Happiness, I couldn't put it down. In it he talks about the lessons he has learned about running a company, and more importantly, the importance of company culture. His view is simple, if you make people happy, they will be happy to work for you. I think this is an aspect that can not necessarily be measured, but still has a great impact. Some examples are Google, Southwest Airlines, and of course Zappos. All of these companies have very happy employees, and very happy customers. Its all about culture. People and companies who have a purpose, who are striving towards a goal, are the ones who will change the world.  That's what we are trying to do. Change the world.

In spirits of the culture season, let me share a small aspect of Sober Nation culture. I had the bright idea to challenge an employee of mine to a beard growing competition. The rules are simple, first one to shave loses. I am quickly regretting my bold challenge.  We take a picture of it every day so we can watch our beards grow. Here is today's pic.

Frankly I don't know what I was thinking, but its fun to have everyone talk about the competition.  People are taking bets, and its only been going on for a little more than two weeks. The point is that the Sober Nation team is working to build a culture that promotes honesty, hard work, and having fun as a group.  I think that is what our beard competition is all about. The most important thing we can do here is build a community. A community of recovery addicts, of family members, of people that might not have anywhere else to go. The message is that recovery is awesome. Not only is it an escape from the clutches of addiction, but it is a blast. Let us never forget, that LIFE IS GOOD!!

Inspiration

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers

We have been told hundreds of times, that what we are doing, can not be done. A few times each day we speak to people that don't believe in what we are doing.  That's okay.  We believe in our selves, and our members believe in us, and continue to motivate us.  At the end of the day, there is no replacement of self believe and hard work.  I have learned in recovery, that anything is possible.  Think about that for a second.  ANYTHING! All that can be seen or done in this wonderful world we live in, is achievable in with determination, hard work, and faith.  

It is very simple actually.  If you wan't something in life, you just have to go get it.  There is no easy way around it.  I wan't every one to take a moment and ask themselves this question.  If you knew you could not fail, what would you do with your life??  Now, take that idea, and go for it, without fear or doubt.  Have faith!

I will end this blog post with one of my favorite quotes ever.

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race". 

-Calvin Coolidge

New Ideas

The best thing about starting Sober Nation, is all the unexpected avenues we find ourselves traveling down.  I think that happens a lot in life.  The best tings are the ones you never saw coming.  The idea was that we wanted to help people.  We wanted to make it easy for people to find help, and more importantly, find other people who know and understand what its like to be an addict or alcoholic.  I did not however, expect to meet soooo many new and amazing people.  I never thought I would be working with the great people that I work and continue to work with.  It is really such a blessing.

I am learning very quickly, that sometimes the best thing to do is just be patient, and keep your eyes open.  You never know when that next highlight in life with come.  You never know when that next magical moment will be here.  For anyone and everyone that continues to do the right thing, those magical moments we love so much, are guaranteed for us.

Martin Luther King Jr.

"We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools".

                                                             -Martin Luther King Jr.

Just thought we would take a few minutes to reflect.  We have come a long way in world of equality.  In a lot of ways, we can give thinks to Dr King for equality in recovery as well.  The recovering community usually does not discriminate.  "We are men that wouldn't ordinarily mix".  We have a common bond, and a common understanding of fellowship and commitment to each other.  Today, let us focus on treating every person as if he was a brother or sister.  Let us always reach out to help people, regardless of their creed, ethnicity, or beliefs.  God Bless...

Excitement

Sober Nation was started as just an idea.  My partner and I were dropping off some dry cleaning to a friend of mine, and he spoke to me about the idea.  Immediately, my imaginative mind took it to another level.  Imagine, I thought, turning recovery into a global community.  The recovery community within itself is already pretty tight nit, however, I feel that its still a bit of a skeleton in the closet.  Don't get me wrong, if people wish to keep their recovery a secret, I am in no position to tell them otherwise.  I've found, that most people take pride and gain confidence in their recovery.  The battle of addiction is one of the most trying battles anyone will ever have.  The dream is to build a global network.  A network of addicts, of family members, of professionals, of artists and people who are just curious.  I am coming to believe that the possibilities are endless and that this is only the beginning for Sober Nation, and for the recovery world.

Keys to the Kingdom

I don’t have all the answers.  I certainly do not pretend to. In writing this article, I want it to be known that what I say is just my opinion.  It is made from the conclusions I have drawn from an ongoing collection of life experiences.  My discoveries are a continuous process of trial and error; I think that’s the way it should be.  I got clean at the young age of 23.  I had my last drink with my father the day before I went to treatment.  I left for a halfway house immediately after saying goodbye to my grandfather.  He was living his last days in a hospital, having suffered from a stroke.  When I hugged him good bye, he told me he loved me and that he was proud of me.  I left the hospital and got on a plane.  That’s the last time I ever saw that wonderful man.  In his final days he told me that “life shrinks and expands in proportion to ones courage”.  I keep those words close to my heart, because I have spent my entire life being a victim of fear.  I am still fearful, but my grandfather helps me push through my fear.  He helps me have courage, and therefore helps me be happy.

That was the beginning of my journey.  As time passed, I have found that my mind is my greatest gift and also my greatest curse.  Human intelligence used to be the basis of my Higher Power.  Everything can be explained and measured in science, and intellect was all mighty.  Looking back I see the pressure that kind of thinking can put on humanity.  If we claim to know all the answers, than what do we do with the questions we don’t have answers to?  The biggest questions of all will always be, what is the meaning of all this?  Addiction is powerful.  I don’t know the dictionary definition of obsession, but I would describe it as a thought that overpowers all other thoughts.  In short, when I am in active addiction, it is the focal point of all my thinking.  I don’t think about my family, I don’t think about my bills, I forget to eat, I forget to drink water, I forget about my little sister and how much she means to me.  I don’t think about what it must be like for her to find rolled up dollar bills and residue on my table.  There is no other force in the world that can hold power over a person like addiction.

At the end of the day, I stay clean because I need to.  I stay clean because the odds are stacked against me, because there is an ever present voice whispering to me, telling me that I am like everyone else.  That I deserve a drink because that’s just what people do.  In this regard, my ego will save my life, because I am too stubborn to let that devious whispering voice get the best of me.  I stay clean because it is the greatest achievement and accomplishment I will ever do with my life.  One day at a time. Kingdom

In closing, I want to express my feelings on our future and the potential we hold.  I think that addicts in general have a special way of thinking.  We are problem solvers, we are go getters, we are obsessive compulsive beings who, when forced to, always find a way to get what we want.  I have learned to harness my thinking, and use it for good.  When there is something I want to accomplish, I have learned that there is absolutely nothing holding me back from chasing my dreams.  With that being said, I have gained great comfort in the fact that if something doesn’t go my way, that is because my God probably knows something that I do not.  What we have is the keys to kingdom, and anything is possible.