Relapse

Speaking only for myself, I have a hard time understanding why people relapse. There are curtain situations in where it makes sense. For instance, if a person is new into recovery, and may not fully understand what he or she is, than I see the reasoning. You don't know if you don't know.

I am more so confused with people who have tasted the fruits of sobriety. The people who have put some clean time together, and have received the gifts that this way of life offers. Why is it that some people, who understand their disease and the beautiful chance at life that is before them, go out and get drunk? I don't know. I am no saint. I am no expert of recovery and/or addiction. I have only my experience and the life lessons I have learned. I don't pretend to know the answers or the reasoning behind why some people make it, and why some insist on drinking. I just get so confused and frustrated by the horrors I see my friends and family go through when under the spell of addiction.

Here's what helps me. I think of my last days using. I think of when I was withdrawing so hard I was unable to stop from vomiting and shaking. I was sweating and my heart was beating so hard sweat beads would jump of my skin at every thumping heart beat. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to fulfill my purpose on earth. I think that the biggest reasoning behind me staying sober, is the fact that I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. I have accepted that I will never be able to drink or use with moderation. I lean on God, and I lean on the people around me. I don't look to far into the future, because all I really have is this moment. I don't drink. I don't use, everything else just seems to fall into place.

Stay clean. Stay sober. Stay happy, joyous and free. Do it for yourself. Do it for your dreams and ambitions. Do it because you have a golden platter of life sitting right in front of you. All you have to do it take it.