Complacency

The other day I wrote about consistency. Let's can take a look at the opposite side of the coin. I have lost more of my friends to complacency than anything else. It's tricky because it sneaks up on you. Rarely do I see someone relapse out of no where, all though it does happen. Usually we see a very slow, gradual, downward spiral. A person stops doing what is necessary, and they pick up. It comes in many forms, lets take a look.

Acting out - I find this may be a cry for help more than anything. Addicts are attention seekers, and when we are in pain, we generally have a hard time reaching out. We just act impulsively and hope someone notices. This is always a sure sign that someone has been being complacent in his or her recovery.

Promiscuity - This is a bit more of a grey area to me. People are sexual creatures, but sex addiction is also an aspect that many addicts struggle with. It's all about balance. When we recover, generally we improve in all areas of our behavior, so it's not uncommon to see people become more discipline with their sexual conduct. In my experience, once someone becomes complacent in their recovery, and loses some serenity, they will look for gratification in other places. Sex is no acception.

Cutting - This may be a hard aspect to understand for people that haven't experienced it. There is something releasing about acute pain. Once a person loses that serenity due to complacency, they will without a doubt, become irritable and lose their self worth. Cutting is nothing but a coping mechanism for the pain we are in. If you notice a friend or family member start cutting, act quickly, because it is only a matter of time before they pick up a drink.

These are just a few examples as to the negative effects of complacency. For an alcoholic, complacency can be a killer. Stay active. Stay in the middle. It could save your life.

Consistency

I think that life requires consistency. Even outside of recovery, people who succeed in life, are consistent. Speaking only of recovery, the people who are consistent, generally seem to stay clean. Recovery takes work, there is no doubt about it. Having the desire and the ethic to do the work, day in and day out, may be the best weapon against the foe of addiction.

Here's the deal. People who do the work, who takes suggestions, who always do the right thing, stay clean and sober. I have never seen anyone who has consistently done the right thing, relapse. Relapse doesn't just  happen, it is the end result of laziness.

Again, as in many aspects of recovery, there are no shortcuts. If you are consistent, and if you do what your told, than you will stay sober. No questions asked.

Relapse

Speaking only for myself, I have a hard time understanding why people relapse. There are curtain situations in where it makes sense. For instance, if a person is new into recovery, and may not fully understand what he or she is, than I see the reasoning. You don't know if you don't know.

I am more so confused with people who have tasted the fruits of sobriety. The people who have put some clean time together, and have received the gifts that this way of life offers. Why is it that some people, who understand their disease and the beautiful chance at life that is before them, go out and get drunk? I don't know. I am no saint. I am no expert of recovery and/or addiction. I have only my experience and the life lessons I have learned. I don't pretend to know the answers or the reasoning behind why some people make it, and why some insist on drinking. I just get so confused and frustrated by the horrors I see my friends and family go through when under the spell of addiction.

Here's what helps me. I think of my last days using. I think of when I was withdrawing so hard I was unable to stop from vomiting and shaking. I was sweating and my heart was beating so hard sweat beads would jump of my skin at every thumping heart beat. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to fulfill my purpose on earth. I think that the biggest reasoning behind me staying sober, is the fact that I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. I have accepted that I will never be able to drink or use with moderation. I lean on God, and I lean on the people around me. I don't look to far into the future, because all I really have is this moment. I don't drink. I don't use, everything else just seems to fall into place.

Stay clean. Stay sober. Stay happy, joyous and free. Do it for yourself. Do it for your dreams and ambitions. Do it because you have a golden platter of life sitting right in front of you. All you have to do it take it.

Relationships

I try my best not to have a huge opinion on this topic. It is a complicated issue. I like to simplify it when talking about it to people. My simple advice is... TAKE YOUR TIME.

The problem most people have, is that they rush in to relationships. When first coming into recovery, our minds and bodies are going through tremendous stress. For obvious reasons, newly recovering addicts tend to jump into relationships for the simple fact that they are still trying to fill a void. Although, this does temporarily ease the pain, in my experience, it always ends in chaos. 

Simply put, I don't take a stand either way. I don't believe its right or wrong to be in (or not be in) a relationship when first coming into recovery. I just say that through my own experience, you will be doing your self a favor by avoiding it all together. It wont last forever, you will give yourself time to heal, so that when you find a relationship you may want to enter, you will be physically and mentally ready for it.

Sequence of Events

This post is an attempt to share what has worked for me, and what has worked for just about everyone I know who has maintained some sobriety. There are no secrets. This formula works. It is simple, and fool proof.

First - Go to rehab. Shut your mouth. Listen to what people have to say. Your counselors and therapists are not lying to you. Everything they say to you is for your own good and sobriety.

Second - Go to a halfway house. Once leaving rehab your mind and body will be acting in ways that it has never acted before. Your thoughts and emotions will be all over the place. A halfway house is a good way to transition back into life. It will give you a chance to make relationships and build a network of recovering people. You will learn to pay rent, and the managers will keep you accountable.

Third - Get connected. Whether you decide to join a 12 step fellowship. Whether you take a holistic approach, or go the therapy, you can not do this alone. If you reach out to people, and explain your fears, they will help you. Anyone who has escaped the clutches of addiction will be more than willing to give back, and guide you on your path.

Fourth - Give back. The Laws of the Universe always reward spent energy. When you go out of your way to help someone, it will put perspective on what you are doing. When you watch someone grow and gain a better life, it will help your own recovery exponentially.

Fifth - Enjoy your life. We get clean and sober to be happy. I think a lot of people have legitimate fears about being bored in recovery. I myself, was so concerned that I would never have fun again. I'm so grateful that that hasn't been the case. My life is so full of joy, and peace, and contentment. I have found joy in nature, in reading and writing, in food. The list goes on and on. Recovery allows me to become the person I was meant to be. It is crucial that people find something to make them happy. Life is meant to be enjoyed. This is your chance to live the life you always wanted. There is nothing stoping you, other than yourself. Follow these steps, and love your life.

God Bless...

Relapse Prevention

Sober Nation is not a treatment center. We are simply here to provide insight and resources to the struggling alcoholic and addict. With that being said, everyone in our organization is clean and sober, and we have some experience we can share.

Relapse is not a requirement. There is no rule that says you need to test the waters over and over again before you finally decide to get clean. There are no assignments or due dates, there is no endpoint. We strive for constant growth and evolution.

In the recovering community, there are lots of suggestions to take to prevent relapse. Many people build a network to lean upon in weak moments. Many people chose to lean on God and pray. Also, there are always 12 step meetings to attend. Regardless of how you got sober, there is plenty of literature to read which will help with the sudden urges. Personally, I reach out to friends when I am having a weak moment. I remind myself that these thoughts, are just thoughts. That's all. What really matters is what I do.

Our best advice to prevent relapse is simple. DON'T USE. DON'T DRINK. There will be many times when you wan't to. Sometimes you may not be able to get in touch with a friend who can help. Sometimes there may not be an available meeting. When the thought of a cold beer or nice hit will call to you, just don't do it. No matter what it takes. Take a nap, read a book or grab a bite to eat. If you don't use, you can't get high. Eventually the thought will pass, and you are that much closer to another day sober. What's most important is that you stay away from the first one.

Granted, this is much easier said than done. If the holy grail for recovery was as simple as not drinking, than recovery would have a 100% success rate. Of course, recovery is not that cut and dry. But lets think about it for a second...

We can over complicate things. We have developed plenty of useful strategies and coping mechanisms, but at the end of the day, just don't drink. Don't get high. If you put enough days together, eventually your life with start to turn around for the better. You will be happy, joyous, and free. Life is good!

Inventory

One of the greatest things I have learned in my recovery is how to analyze my behavior, and try to work on my defects. I have accepted that there are a lot of flaws in my character. I am stubborn, I don't have the best communication skills, and sometimes I can cop an attitude with people. I try hard to work on these things. The best thing I can do is look at my actions, and try better the next day.

Here's a good example. Being that Sober Nation is run by me and one of my best friends, it can be difficult to work with a close friend, but we try our best. Point is we got in a bit of an argument last night. It was a healthy discussion, and we actually sorted some things out. In the argument, I snapped a bit, and my temper got the best of me. The difference is that in my recovery, I can look back at the mistakes I made, and make amends for them. Not that I needed to give a formal apology, but I felt I needed to call my partner and at least say that I recognized the wrongs in my behavior and actions. You live and you learn.

This is all part of the culture we are trying to instill. If you make a mistake, its not big deal. Recognize where you were at fault, and try to rectify it. Of course we can't be perfect, we are human. Point is we need to continue to grow.