Struggling with Negative Thoughts about Yourself

I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and weekend. For me, it was very refreshing to see some of my extended family. It got me thinking, “Why don’t we have meals together more often?” I’m happy we have the holiday of Thanksgiving to do it, but I wish we made more of an effort all year long to get together. Just a thought...

Anyway, today I want to talk about the negative thoughts we addicts tend to have about ourselves (especially in early recovery). I received a comment from someone asking for advice on how to handle those negative thoughts, and I think it’s an important topic. We tend to feel things like guilt, shame, anger, worthlessness, and disappointment. I know I’ve felt - and still sometimes feel - those ways about myself. How do you deal with it?

For me, developing positive self-esteem has been the biggest thing. You can read more that I’ve written about boosting your self-esteem here and here. In order to truly conquer the negative thoughts you have about yourself, you have to begin thinking positively about yourself instead. It’s not easy whatsoever, but it all boils down to having confidence.

Of course, confidence isn’t something that develops overnight. It’s a process, and it takes practice. As addicts, we’re not used to valuing ourselves. We certainly didn’t value ourselves during our active addiction. Quitting drugs and alcohol is the first step, and the importance of that step shouldn’t be overlooked. You absolutely should be giving yourself credit for the courage and dedication it took to admit you had a problem, get help for it, and stop using.

Unfortunately, too many addicts don’t give themselves the praise they should for quitting. You have to remember that addiction is a disease. You did not use drugs and alcohol to such an extent because of any moral failing; you used that way because your brain chemistry made it incredibly difficult for you to resist. You deserve praise for realizing you had the responsibility to get yourself help and for doing so successfully.

Then, you have to forgive yourself. Again, this isn’t easy, but it’s imperative. You have to forgive yourself for the things you did while you were in your active addiction by remembering that you weren’t the same person then. Understand that those things are in the past, and you cannot change the past. The only thing you can do is move forward in a more positive way, which you are doing now. Eventually, you’ll be able to forgive yourself for your mistakes (everyone makes them!).

Finally, start turning your negative thoughts into positive ones by catching yourself in “the act” of negative self-talk. Are you thinking that you’re ashamed of your past? Instead, think about how you’re proud of yourself for turning things around and for being the person you are now.

You need to treat yourself as you would treat your nearest, dearest friend or family member. Would you want them to continue feeling bad about themselves? Would you constantly remind them of the poor choices they made? If not, why would you do it to yourself? With a more positive, self-aware attitude, along with continuing treatment for your addiction (whatever that is), you should be able to conquer those poisonous negative thoughts before you allow yourself to be torn down by them.

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Celebrate Your Gratitude - All Year Long

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and that makes me pretty much obligated to write a post on the topic of “giving thanks.” When I think about the Thanksgiving holiday, I think about gratitude. It’s the one day of the year when we’re specifically encouraged to be grateful. We’re supposed to spend special time with our family and loved ones while recognizing the positive impact they have in our lives. We’re reminded to “count our blessings.”

Personally, I think gratitude should be an integral part of everyone’s daily lives. We should strive to be grateful all the time and not only on a holiday. In the recovery community in particular, gratitude is something that’s stressed a lot, but it’s something that applies to everyone.

We need to be thankful for the positive things in our lives because it’s how we stay positive and on the right track (whether in recovery or not). Gratitude helps us appreciate life and stay grounded in our recovery; it reminds us how much better our lives are in recovery than they ever were before. And all of that helps us to avoid relapse and to be happy, productive members of society.

I always thought the concept of a gratitude journal sounded really cheesy - until I tried it for myself. It might not sound appealing to you either, but I would encourage everyone to give it a try for at least a week. A gratitude journal (i.e. a notebook or Word document) is a place for you to record at least one thing you’re grateful for every night. You could write about something very significant, like your friends, or you could write about something in particular that happened to you during the day, such as receiving a compliment from a stranger or catching the sunset. You can be vague or provide detailed descriptions - whatever you write it is up to you.

I’ll give you an example of what my gratitude journal is like.

When I started it, I wrote a list of the things I am most grateful for in life, which included my son, my family, my friends, our health, my recovery, a place to live, a good car, a job that I enjoy, and nature.

Yesterday, I wrote: Today I was grateful for the support of my father, the happiness of my son, the fact that the rain storm wasn’t as bad as expected, and my boyfriend.

My gratitude journal is a pick-me-up for anytime I’m feeling down. Reading it reminds me of all the positive things in my life even when the negatives seem overwhelming. Just the simple act of writing a few sentences in it every night has improved my overall mood and outlook on life. As someone who struggles with depression, it’s been a very helpful tool for me.

A gratitude journal is so simple, but also so powerful. What do you think about giving it a try? Does anyone keep a gratitude journal already? If you don’t want to keep a daily journal, try writing a “master list” of things you’re grateful for so that you have something to read when you need some uplifting. I’d love if you would share some of the things you’re grateful for today in the comment section. I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Finding True Deliverance in the Mouth of the Beast

I apologize for not updating more recently. I've been dealing with some health issues. All is well - I just needed some extra time to take care of a few things. Look for new posts from me in the next few days. 

For your reading pleasure, here is an awesome guest post written by Sober Nation writer Tim Powers! Enjoy! Let us know what you think in the comments!

Finding True Deliverance in the Mouth of the Beast

When an individual is about the leave rehab, a halfway house, or a similar form of sober living and enters the jungle that can be the real world uncertainty and doubt is often at the forefront.  Leaving the comforting womb of structure, support, and stability and entering the visceral maw of day-to-day living can rub at the seams of one’s sanity threaten to tear asunder the framework built upon the foundations of pain, sweat, revelation and rediscovery.  Jumping back into the fray with both feet is the common response after being out of the game.  However, that tunnel vision mentality often has undone the fragile eggshell constitution of the newly sober.

Staying true in recovery in real time involves being aware of feelings and recognizing them for what they are.  It is alright to feel thoughts of wanting to use…it is normal.   One can’t erase those poisoned years overnight.  It takes time to slow down your thought processes enough to realize those voices one hears are compelling someone to dwell on the revisionist history of their past.  Those voices whisper only about the highest of times and leave out the debris the bad decisions left in its wake.

Staying true in recovery is finding voice to those feelings and finding healthy ways to express those feelings.  It can be finding a twelve-step meeting and sharing those feelings in real time.  It can be finding a creative outlet like music.  It can be transforming the physical being through exercise or transforming the mental being through spirituality.  Addiction wants one to internalize emotion and remain silent in the facing of obstacles in recovery.  Finding healthy ways to externalize those thoughts and feelings promotes healing.

Staying true in recovery is realizing those things learned in rehab and the halfway houses are tools in the proverbial toolkit that need to be utilized to unlock knowledge and confidence.  Recovery is holistic and requires some form of nourishment in order to progress.  Working a program and getting a sponsor, finding people who are strong in recovery and replacing bad influences with positive ones.  It isn’t just about plugging the jug…it is about changing the mindset, the people and places.

Staying true in recovery means that recovery is understood as a journey and not a destination.  With each day that passes one discovers new things about themselves no matter how small or sublime it may be.  The very act of recognizing those small revelations opens new doors to awareness.  Some days will be good and some won’t be so good, and that is OK.  As long as one moves forward (even if it is baby steps) it is a victory.  One day at a time…staying true to your sober self from the time one wakes up to the time one lays their head down…that is the true key.  

Tim Powers – bald, tattooed, a business professional by day and rocker by night. Sober by the grace of God since the 8th of May in the year of our Lord 2003. Sharing my stories and myself in order to pay it forward. You can follow me on Twitter @tpowersbass42

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

The Stigma of Addiction

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the stigma of addiction. For people who don’t truly understand the disease, “addiction” is considered a very negative mark on someone’s personality. The worst misunderstanding is that addicts aren’t good people. That misunderstanding is why there’s so much shame and secrecy in the recovery community. We don’t want to be labeled “addicts.”

I am an addict. I hate the label (and labels of any sort), but it’s true, and I’m still uncomfortable with people knowing so. I always worry what people will think if they find out that I’m in recovery, and it’s a fear that I’ve had to face a lot in the past three years. Fortunately, I’ve never had a bad experience with anyone finding out (knock on wood). I still worry that some people see me differently, but if they do, I haven’t had to directly face any ill will because of it.

However, I don’t think that’s because everyone is understanding and knowledgeable about the disease. Several times I’ve actually faced the stigma of addiction in a different way than I expected: Some people who have only known me after my active addiction think that I must be exaggerating my claim of being in recovery - that because I’m such a good person now and appear so put together, I can’t actually be a real addict.

When I get that reaction from people, I tread lightly. I try to take advantage of the opportunity to debunk the stigma of addiction for them, but I’m also careful not to bash myself too much. “No, really, I USED to be a horrible person! But I was only such a horrible person because of my DISEASE. You know I’m a good person, right? Well, that’s the REAL me. But I promise you, I am your typical addict; I used to do some terrible shit! Let’s not get into that… just trust me! I was bad!”

It’s almost funny to me, but then it makes me sad. Hopefully, by putting myself out there, I can make a small difference in the way some people view the disease of addiction. In my case, I’m also very open (oftentimes more so) about my depression. Mental illness of any kind is terribly misunderstood. I want people to see it for what it is - a sickness, just like any other sickness.

Everyone needs to understand the disease of addiction because it is a fatal disease. All the addicts who are too ashamed to admit their condition have their lives at even greater risk. In recovery, we should be able to tell the people close to us about our addiction without fear of repercussion, because if we can’t, we have less of the support that’s so crucial for avoiding relapse. If addiction stops carrying such a negative connotation, we can move from being ashamed of our pasts to being proud of ourselves for our strength in the face of disease.   

I’m curious to hear what the readers of Sober Nation have to say about the stigma of addiction and their experiences with it. What do you think?

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Boosting Your Self-Esteem, Part Two

Continuing with yesterday’s theme, here are some more thoughts on ways that you can boost your self-esteem. 

Accept Compliments

When you receive a compliment from someone, say, “Thank you,” and nothing else. Don’t say anything like, “Thanks, but I don’t think so,” or “Thank you, but it’s not that great,” etc. When you do that, you’re telling yourself that you don’t deserve the compliment. Instead, try to remember that most people don’t make compliments unless they truly believe them. The person who just complimented you believes what they just said. Again you need to question your own line of reasoning and ask yourself, If they believe it, why can’t I? And when you hear the same compliment more than once, you should have even more reassurance that it’s true. 

Don’t Compare Yourself to Anyone Else

Something I often do is compare myself to others. I judge myself against what I see in someone else, which isn’t fair at all and doesn’t even make sense. NO ONE is the same as you or has the same life as you, so there is never a way to make an equal comparison. Feeling bad about yourself because of comparisons you make against others is a horrible way to go through life. You are a unique person who lives a unique life, and you should embrace that.

Know Your Own Positives, Priorities, and Principles

If you don’t know who you really are, feeling good about yourself is very difficult. List all of the good qualities you see in yourself (no less than 20 - trust me, you can come up with that many if you challenge yourself) so that you know all the positive things you have to offer. Next, list your priorities in life. What is really most important to you in life? When your priorities are clear and you’re focused on them, you’ll feel better about yourself. Finally, list the principles you want to live by in life. For example, honesty, kindness, equality, etc. Stay true to your principles in everything you do, and you can be proud of yourself for living in the way you think is admirable. 

Purge Your “Toxic” Friends

In the same way that no one else can make you feel good about yourself, no one else should be allowed to make you feel bad about yourself, either. It’s much harder to ignore the negativity of others, and it’s easy to internalize outside criticism. Recognize the people who do or say things that make you feel bad about yourself, and cut them out of your life. If you can’t totally avoid them (i.e. a co-worker), limit your interactions with them as much as possible. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and who make you feel good about yourself. 

If you have any tips or thoughts to add, please do so in the comment section! If you’ve gone from feeling bad about yourself to having a positive self-image, I’d love to hear how you got there!

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Boosting Your Self-Esteem, Part One

One thing that holds me back in life is my low self-esteem. I’m sure that many of you can relate to feeling this way at least some time in your life. It’s an awful feeling to doubt yourself. Low self-esteem will affect every aspect of your life, from relationships to work to your health and more. You can’t truly enjoy life until you feel good about yourself. Knowing this has made me more determined to improve my own opinion of myself, and I’ve been seeking ways to do so.

I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned can help you improve your self-esteem. I can’t truthfully say that I follow all of these myself, but I am trying to. High self-esteem isn’t something that comes quickly or easily, but it is something I can achieve, and I can only achieve it by myself. One of the first things you have to realize about self-esteem is that it comes from within - no one else can tell you how to feel about yourself.

Keep Your Expectations in Check

You can begin to boost your self-esteem by taking a close look at the expectations you have for yourself. If you are setting unrealistic goals, then you will feel bad about yourself when you fall short of them. If you set smaller, more attainable goals, you’ll flip things around and will feel better about yourself for reaching them. Some questions to ask yourself about the goals you set are: Would I have the same expectations of a friend in the same position as me? and Does anyone else have these expectations of me? If not, why do I?

Another tip to keep your expectations in check is to eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary. Don’t tell yourself that you “should” be doing anything. Catch yourself when you say it, and change it from “This is something I should be doing” to “This is something I would like to be doing.” Then realize that just because you would like to do something does not mean you’ll be able to do it in exactly that way.

Give Yourself Credit

You may not always be happy with yourself, but you need to give yourself a little more credit. It’s often too easy to see the bad. When you look back on something, don’t let the mistakes you think you made be what stands out. Look at the same situation and give yourself credit for the things you accomplished. For people in recovery, this is huge. Stop focusing on your past and feeling guilty or bad about yourself because of your addiction. Feel good about yourself for changing your life. Battling addiction is NOT easy by any means. Take a moment to really credit yourself with the effort you gave to quit using or drinking (and they effort you’re still giving to stay in recovery) - it is significant and a reason to feel really good about yourself and what you can accomplish.

I’m going to write more on the topic of boosting your self-esteem, because I think it’s vital to a healthy recovery and happy life. In the meantime, please leave your thoughts on the things YOU do to boost your self-esteem!

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Coping with Stress

Stress is the downfall of every addict, and it is what leads to relapse. Unfortunately, in early recovery, there’s suddenly a significant amount of stress to deal with, and managing it is a battle that not everyone wins. You simply cannot avoid stress - no one lives a stress-free life - so what you have to do is learn to cope with the inevitable.

Everyone has different sources of stress and will develop different ways of coping. I’m going to share with you some of the ways I cope with stress, as well as some other methods that work for a lot of other people. Like so much in life and recovery, it’s trial and error. Experiment with different reactions to stress, and don’t stop until you’ve found several things that work for you.

I am blessed to have such a good support system, and talking to friends is one of the ways I get a handle on my stress. I try to make it a point to hang out with friends at least once per week (a phone call does the trick, too!). That can be difficult to accomplish, but I always feel so much better after having some “girl talk.” I can vent to my friends and get good advice when needed. Listening to my friends talk about their lives/stress also helps put things in perspective because I remember that I’m not the only one feeling stressed out.

I write content for a living, but I also use writing as a way to deal with my personal life. I don’t journal nearly as much as I’d like to, but whenever I have a problem that’s really getting to me, I write about it. If I can’t sleep at night because I can’t stop thinking, I get up and write those thoughts down. If I’m upset at someone, I write a letter to them (without sending it). For me, this almost always works. It clears my head by giving me a tangible way to channel my stress.

When I’m stressed, healthy eating is particularly important for me. I try to maintain good eating habits all the time so that my body (and therefore, my mind) is strong enough to deal with whatever comes my way. Drinking water all day also helps a lot. I try not to let myself get hungry or dehydrated. When I start to get really frazzled, I usually realize I haven’t eaten in a while, and having a snack makes me feel so much better.

Exercise, walking, going to a meeting, talking to a therapist, meditating, praying, and doing a hobby are all other ways of managing stress. Just about any healthy, positive activity that makes you feel better about yourself or helps you get your mind off of your problems for a little while is a good way to deal with stress.

I’ll write another day about more specific ways of dealing with stress. The most important thing is to recognize your stress, admit it, and do something about it. Ignoring stress will NOT make it go away - it will only suppress your emotions, and one day your stress will hit you tenfold, and you’ll be at a much greater risk of relapse.

PS: Don't forget to add me on Google+ !

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Repairing Broken Relationships

In a comment, I had someone ask me if I had any advice on how to go about repairing relationships that were broken during their addiction. The only advice I can give is what I’ve learned from my own (limited) experiences. I’m hoping that you’ll share in the comments any advice you have from your own personal experiences!

We’ve all had relationships broken and destroyed because of our addictions. When we’re addicted, we’re like completely different people, and we’re selfish. We can’t be expected to maintain healthy relationships or hold up our end of a friendship. 

Sometimes we’ve damaged our relationships beyond repair. Other times we’ve done just a little damage. Every single relationship we have is unique, and they all require unique attention. You cannot repair broken relationships together - you have to give individual TLC to each one. 

It’s also important to recognize when a relationship shouldn’t be repaired. It’s common for addicts to develop relationships that are unhealthy or abusive (when I say relationships, I mean romantic OR platonic). It can be difficult to accept that those people shouldn’t be kept around in our lives after we get clean and sober. Severing an unhealthy or abusive relationship is a challenge, but it’s the best thing to do for ourselves and our recovery.

On the other hand, not all relationships CAN be repaired. I’ve had several of these situations in my life. There are some people who were (and still are) great people in my life, but I hurt them enough or let our relationships deteriorate enough that they’re no longer salvageable. It’s easier to let them go then to put up a fight trying to fix things that can never be fully restored. In these cases, I’ve written apologies. I’ve said, “I’m sorry for…” and I’ve left it at that, and it’s up to them if they want to accept it or respond at all.

In saying those apologies, it’s been extremely important for me to have no expectations. You cannot expect anything from anyone else. You cannot control what other people say or do, and expecting anything usually only leads to disappointment. Everyone’s healing process is unique and their own to control. Just because you apologize does not mean that person will accept it or apologize to you back. You may never hear from them again, and you’ll have to find solace in knowing you gave them the apology they deserved from you, which was all you could do.

For other relationships, time is what will heal them. In early recovery, focus on yourself. Get yourself to a stable, healthy place in life before you try to work on your relationships - the importance of that cannot be stressed enough. It’s especially vital to focus on yourself when the other person in a relationship is dealing with addiction issues, too. In that case, it’s a whole other ballgame and perhaps a topic I’ll explore more in the future.

Counseling and therapy - both individually and as partners (friends, family, significant others) - may also be helpful or necessary in order to work past the issues that were created due to your addiction. Recovering is about healing. As long as you’re both willing to put in an honest effort, relationships can be repaired over time.

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Daily Routine Changes in Recovery, Part Two

Yesterday I wrote about things that are important to incorporate into your daily routine when you’re in recovery (even if you’re not, they’re still important). Making those routine changes are much easier said than done. It can be very difficult to set a routine and stick to it, and it may take a long time before you find the routine that works best for you. It’s a lot of trial and error along the way, so it’s essential that you remain a little flexible while you’re creating your schedule.

No matter what, taking care of yourself is the most important part about having a routine. I know as addicts we aren’t used to doing that at all. Our routines do a complete flip from poisoning our bodies with drugs and alcohol to putting our health, safety, and recovery above all else. It’s up to you to decide that you’re going to put yourself and your recovery at the center of your life and create a daily routine around that.

Especially in early recovery, we hear about avoiding “people, places, and things” that we associate with using/drinking. Accomplishing that has a big impact on our lives. If your routine used to consist of you going to the bar after work, you have to change that. If your routine used to include socializing with using buddies, or listening to certain music while you used, or any other rituals associated with using, you have to change to give yourself the best chance at recovery.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can go to that bar like you used to and just order a soda. Maybe you can, but why risk it? Changing your routine so you avoid those “people, places, and things” is essential. Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to change something - for example, you can’t find a new job or move to a new house - which makes it that much more important to concentrate on altering the things you are able to change.

The little changes in routine make such a big difference, too. Just eating breakfast everyday or taking a shower or brushing your teeth twice a day will help you maintain a framework of positivity and stability in your life. Don’t underestimate how important it is to stick to those seemingly small daily routine changes.

If you attend meetings, see a counselor, go to outpatient therapy, or anything else associated with your recovery, make sure it is incorporated into your routine as consistently as possible. Remember that your foundation needs to be stable and strong in order to keep yourself off drugs and alcohol. Recovery-related activities should be things you’re focusing on.

I want to ask you all for your input. What surprising ways has your daily routine changed since you quit using? Do you keep yourself on a routine? How do you do it? I think we can all use the encouragement to keep making sure our health and recovery is at the forefront of our minds and that our daily routines revolve around it. Stay healthy, everyone!

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Daily Routine Changes in Recovery, Part One

One of the requests I received for post topics was how daily routines change in recovery. How do they change? Completely. Shifting from active addiction to addiction recovery is to change your life - everything in your life is affected. Even if some aspects of your daily routine don’t change (for example, you still go to work five days a week), your motivation and mindset change. Your daily routine no longer revolves around using drugs or alcohol.

Every addict lives life differently, so it’s hard to talk generally about how daily routines change in recovery. Some people will have radically different daily routines, while others may have relatively the same routine as before, minus the substance(s). Instead of using, the goal each day is to “stay on the wagon.” To accomplish this, routine is the key word. Everyone can benefit from a routine, but addicts especially.

Routines give stability, and stability is so important for people in recovery. If you have a shaky foundation, then that wagon you’re trying to hold onto will be very difficult to grasp. Without a routine, it’s harder to manage the unexpected, harder to cope with the normal ups and downs of life. Most of the time, people (in recovery or not) who have daily routines are happier and more secure than people who don’t.

To say it’s difficult to adjust to life without drugs or alcohol is an understatement. Everyone has different daily obligations that will affect their personal routine, but there are some things that almost everyone can incorporate into their day. For one thing, most people can stick to a consistent sleep schedule. Good sleep is absolutely essential for people in recovery - you already have enough things to worry about, and inconsistent sleep patterns/insufficient sleep will only make things harder. Choose a time to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night, and do your best to get eight hours of sleep in between. Get up within half-an-hour of your set times, even when you’re off work.

Good eating habits are also important in our routines. Try to eat three meals a day, around the same time every day, with small snacks in between. I won’t go into the details of having a healthy diet, because there’s simply too much to cover and it strays a bit from our topic. Overall, your diet should consist of plenty of water, fruits, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, and healthy fats. Try to avoid junk.

Exercise is another thing everyone should have in their routine. Personal time is another. Every day, set aside a certain time that’s meant for you to relax and de-stress. This can be time to meditate, pray, take a bath, write in a journal, read, or do whatever it is that helps you center yourself. This personal time is essential - it helps you stay in tune with your body and emotions so you can stay on the right path in recovery.

How did your daily routine change when you entered recovery? Do you keep a consistent sleep schedule, healthy eating habits, exercise, and personal time? Tomorrow I’m going to write about another important aspect of changing your daily routine, so stay tuned...

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Three Stages of Relapse, Part Two

Once you’ve learned to identify the three stages of relapse, it’s time to learn about how to deal with them. There are many techniques for preventing relapse, and I’m going to talk about some of the best. While I’m going to separate techniques by stages, there’s a lot of overlap. For example, one of the most critical things you can do to prevent relapse at any stage is to ask for help.

I think a lot of the time people in recovery are afraid to ask for help with relapse prevention because they don’t want others to think they’re slipping or failing. Maybe we don’t want to alarm our support system over a “small” problem, but we shouldn’t be afraid to admit we’re struggling. The best thing you can do is to ask for help as soon as you notice any of the warning signs of relapse - not wait until the “small” problem is even more noticeable.

Other times I think people in recovery don’t ask for help because they don’t think there’s anything anyone else can do to help them - that it’s a personal problem we have to deal with on our own. Most of the time that’s true, but it doesn’t mean support isn’t needed or beneficial. Just venting your concerns to someone else can make a significant difference. “Asking for help” doesn’t have to mean “asking for a solution;” it’s often just asking for someone to listen or offer a new perspective.

When you’re in the emotional stage of relapse, the best way to cope is to take better care of yourself. If you’re feeling stressed out, it’s time to take a step back and see what you can do to decrease the amount of stress you feel or learn to deal with it in a healthier way. You need to recognize your emotions and remember that they’re just feelings and that you’re in control of them - not the other way around. Eating properly, getting enough sleep at night, and exercising are also vital tools in the emotional stage of relapse (and all other times, too!).

In the mental stage of relapse, when you begin to think about using, it’s time for that popular adage of “playing the tape through” to come to use. Remind yourself that while using might seem attractive, it always comes with a downside. Think about the negative effects using would cause in your life. When you have a craving, try to distract yourself or challenge yourself to wait 20 minutes before acting on it because most cravings will disappear in that time frame. It’s also more important than ever to keep yourself away from the “people, places, and things” that you associate with using or would make using easy for you.

Once you’ve crossed into the physical stage of relapse, you need to admit your slip to at least one person you trust in your support system, preferably more. The sooner you get help, the easier it will be to transition back into sobriety. Remember that you are capable of quitting and the benefits of recovery are worth it. You will likely have feelings of guilt and shame to deal with, but you have to face them rather than hide them by continuing to use.

Slips are serious, but they don’t mean you’ve lost everything - the things you’ve learned  in recovery are still with you. I think that message is so important, because sometimes people are too concerned with things like clean dates. Recovery doesn’t have to be black and white. Some people relapse multiple times, and they might be in a kind of gray area between being consumed by addiction and being happy in recovery. I’m not saying that relapse is no big deal - just that a relapse doesn’t erase the clean time you’ve already experienced.

Instead of perpetuating the stigma that relapse is failure, I’d like to give my opinion that relapse doesn’t have to be such a scary topic. It’s a potential reality that everyone in recovery needs to be concerned about and informed about. What do YOU think?

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store).