I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and weekend. For me, it was very refreshing to see some of my extended family. It got me thinking, “Why don’t we have meals together more often?” I’m happy we have the holiday of Thanksgiving to do it, but I wish we made more of an effort all year long to get together. Just a thought...
Anyway, today I want to talk about the negative thoughts we addicts tend to have about ourselves (especially in early recovery). I received a comment from someone asking for advice on how to handle those negative thoughts, and I think it’s an important topic. We tend to feel things like guilt, shame, anger, worthlessness, and disappointment. I know I’ve felt - and still sometimes feel - those ways about myself. How do you deal with it?
For me, developing positive self-esteem has been the biggest thing. You can read more that I’ve written about boosting your self-esteem here and here. In order to truly conquer the negative thoughts you have about yourself, you have to begin thinking positively about yourself instead. It’s not easy whatsoever, but it all boils down to having confidence.
Of course, confidence isn’t something that develops overnight. It’s a process, and it takes practice. As addicts, we’re not used to valuing ourselves. We certainly didn’t value ourselves during our active addiction. Quitting drugs and alcohol is the first step, and the importance of that step shouldn’t be overlooked. You absolutely should be giving yourself credit for the courage and dedication it took to admit you had a problem, get help for it, and stop using.
Unfortunately, too many addicts don’t give themselves the praise they should for quitting. You have to remember that addiction is a disease. You did not use drugs and alcohol to such an extent because of any moral failing; you used that way because your brain chemistry made it incredibly difficult for you to resist. You deserve praise for realizing you had the responsibility to get yourself help and for doing so successfully.
Then, you have to forgive yourself. Again, this isn’t easy, but it’s imperative. You have to forgive yourself for the things you did while you were in your active addiction by remembering that you weren’t the same person then. Understand that those things are in the past, and you cannot change the past. The only thing you can do is move forward in a more positive way, which you are doing now. Eventually, you’ll be able to forgive yourself for your mistakes (everyone makes them!).
Finally, start turning your negative thoughts into positive ones by catching yourself in “the act” of negative self-talk. Are you thinking that you’re ashamed of your past? Instead, think about how you’re proud of yourself for turning things around and for being the person you are now.
You need to treat yourself as you would treat your nearest, dearest friend or family member. Would you want them to continue feeling bad about themselves? Would you constantly remind them of the poor choices they made? If not, why would you do it to yourself? With a more positive, self-aware attitude, along with continuing treatment for your addiction (whatever that is), you should be able to conquer those poisonous negative thoughts before you allow yourself to be torn down by them.
