4 Tips for Super Sobriety

Today we have a Guest Post!

4 Tips For Super Sobriety

In the early days of recovery, hanging onto your sobriety is pretty much the main priority in your life. But  in order to be sober and happy, you have to make an effort to grow as a person. Here are 4 elements that you can work on to ensure you have super-sobriety. Doing the following things will help you grow stronger and happier in your recovery.

Learn To Let Go

Addiction is an disease of stuckness. We get stuck in the cycle of using drink or drugs, and we also get stuck with our moods, grievances and resentments. Recovering addicts can not afford to become too stressed out, because stress makes relapse more likely. The world will always be full of adverse experiences. We have to learn to let go of them, so they don't waste our energy or make us stressed.

Nest time you're fretting over a gossiping friend, your lost car keys or missing out on promotion, put things in perspective. Realise how you're only harming yourself by getting worked up over small things. Wouldn't it feel more freeing to forgive, learn your lesson, and move on? Learning to look at things differently can help you to let go more easily.

Free Yourself From Judgement

One of the reasons we suffer in life is because we're too concerned with looking outwards and worrying about the rest of the world. We compare ourselves to others and worry that we'll come up short, or we do the opposite and think critically of others and the way they live their lives.

Wouldn't it be freeing to stop judging yourself by external standards, instead choosing only to improve yourself day by day. And how liberating to stop judging others, and just accept them for the way they are. We can't change other people anyway, so we should focus our energy on just being the best that we personally can be.

Sit With Your Stuff

When people are in active addiction, what they are basically doing is trying to block out unpleasant feelings. Even if you've stopped using drink or drugs to mask or change your mood, often you may still be doing things to alter the way you feel. Recovering addicts typically cross-addict to other things, using work, caffeine, sugar or sex as new ways of fighting their feelings.

There's nothing wrong with soothing or distracting yourself when you're hurting sometimes, but you become a much stronger person if you can learn to "sit" with some of that pain without doing anything to assuage it. When things are hard, see if you can just sit still and accept it, without needing to turn to other substances or distractions. Keep yourself safe by starting with only slightly unpleasant feelings until you get stronger.

Feed Your Soul

In the early days of recovery, we usually play it safe and stay within fellowship and recovery groups. That's a really useful approach when you're newly sober, but it can limit you a lot later on. Never moving outside of recovery circles means that you may never find out what really makes you tick and gives you a sense of meaning in the world.

In order to lead a fulfilling life you have to find out what makes you happy, what your values are, and how you can contribute to the world in a way that makes you feel great. Some find joy in helping others, or find fulfilment down a spiritual path, while others discover that they really connect with the world when they're being creative.

Sobriety is just the start of your new life. You must learn to feed your soul with what it needs, too. Move beyond the limits of recovery-focused activities to find out what will fulfil you and set your soul on fire. If you find something that fulfils your deepest needs, it'll be so much easier to be sober and happy.

About the Author: Beth Burgess is a solution-focused therapist and coach specialising in addiction recovery. She is the author of two books on addiction: “The Recovery Formula: An Addict’s Guide to getting Clean and Sober Forever” and “The Happy Addict: How to be Happy in Recovery from Alcoholism or Drug Addiction.” Beth specialises in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness, Recovery Coaching, and NLP — and works with clients privately in London, and internationally via Skype.

Rethinking the Hustle

Today we have a guest post by Tim Powers...

Rethinking the Hustle

Introspection is always an excellent gift to have when you look back through the past chapters in your life and gauge your evolution as a human being. This is especially true for the recovering addict because for the addict, turning the pages of past chapters is peeling back those old layers to get to the mechanisms of what made us tick at that point in time.  We understand how the amalgamation of the experiences and events of our past helped create that addict archetype.  Ultimately, as we page forward in our personal histories that archetype start to rust and give way because we finally see how we were destroying ourselves with our true soul.

In looking back on those poisoned years, there are certain revelations that cause a spark to my memory.  The clearest revelations are the most obvious: I became an individual that I swore that I never be.  My view of addicts were shaped by countless Afterschool Specials of my youth, as well as personal experiences with friends whose parent or other family member was an addict.  Those experiences cemented by resolve to run a different path away from vice and ruin.

What I found, however, was that fact seemed to trace a huge arc back towards the person I swore that I wouldn’t be.  That gradual turn was fueled by feelings in insecurity and a deep-seated desire to fit in and be accepted, even if those feelings were superficial.  I slowly become that character: cunning, manipulative and darkly chameleonic.   In the broadest of strokes, I became the villain pure and simple.

Other revelations, however, were somewhat more difficult to put into words that would be easily understood.  That difficulty wasn’t borne from synthesizing complex visceral emotions into a common denominator.  The difficulty laid in the concept itself because when I would verbalize it people would give me a sideways glance and huge question marks popped up in their thought bubbles.  That revelation was this…..As an addict, I was goal-oriented and focused.

On the surface, that last statement sounds like it comes out of left field.  I will admit, that at first glance that statement rubs against the grain of what it normally hypothesized in the world of the addict.  If you take a step back and use that introspective lens to study the mechanisms and motives behind the thoughts and actions of the addict, it does make sense.  The addict is a goal-oriented creature, but the outcomes we seek and put energy towards is different from what others may strive for to obtain.

For the addict, our definition of what normal is different from what…well…normal people think of what is normal.  For normal people, goals may include buying a house in the suburbs with the white picket fence and having a beautiful trophy spouse, 2.3 kids and a dog.  In other cases it may be going to college and studying your ass off to land that dream job.  I may be simplifying things here, but in order to get what we want we set goals, put plans into motion in order to achieve these goals all in order to achieve happiness, freedom and to claim a piece of that proverbial American pie for ourselves.

For the addict, the underlying mechanisms of achieving goals are the same but the energies put behind those mechanisms are used to achieve different ends.  Looking back on my experiences I thought about what I went through to get booze with no money in my bank account and no job to support myself.  I would sell things to get money, not to pay bills or buy clothes to wear to job interviews, but to buy booze.  I would manipulate my parents to give me money, not to pay my rent, but to buy booze.  I would play one person off of another and cause discord, all in the matter of keeping up appearances that things were alright

Whether I thought about it at the time, I was running my hustle on family, friends and even complete strangers in order to get what I needed in order to satisfy those deepest wants and desires.  An addict may not be able to verbalize a concrete definition of what a hustle is, but they can demonstrate the hustle with broad brushstrokes.  As an addict, we can also create the hustle on the fly and improvise like a jazz musician when situations change or when Plans A, B, and C fail.  You come to realize that the energy is takes to create and maintain a hustle is enormous and very focused—it just so happens that instead of being productive it is geared towards mischievous and sometimes downright devious ends.

In recovery, we are basically retraining ourselves to think, act and conduct ourselves in constructive and healthy ways.  In reality, the art of the hustle doesn’t necessarily disappear—it gets revamped in order to fit into the new, sober mindset and philosophies that have been created and put into motion.  You can think of the hustle as an animal like a monkey, a lion or another creature that has the ability to be trained.  

In addiction, the hustle was used to keep you on a stepwise path from being thrown on the street, dope sick, hungover, in jail or being disowned and thrown to the wolves.  In recovery, the hustle is retooled and that stepwise path points toward growth in the soul and conscience and as a human being.   It is about creating something lasting and genuine.  Ultimately it is about creating a legacy for yourself that you can hang your hat on and can provide inspiration for others to follow.

Tim Powers – bald, tattooed, a business professional by day and rocker by night. Sober by the grace of God since the 8th of May in the year of our Lord 2003. Sharing my stories and myself in order to pay it forward. You can follow me on Twitter @tpowersbass42

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store)

Accomplishing Your Goals

I used to have a grand picture in my mind of what my sobriety would look like. I imagined myself as successful and happy, the exact opposite of my life on drugs. It took a while to realize that none of my dreams will come true just because I’m sober. Sobriety won’t make me happy or successful. In sobriety I can just as easily be unsuccessful and unhappy. For a while, I was.

Drugs and alcohol prevent us from making our dreams come true. It’s only possible to accomplish our goals without drugs and alcohol dragging us down, but it’s not a certainty. Hard work and dedication are still necessary. You can only get what you want if you try as hard as you can to get it. I believe that everyone in sobriety is capable of accomplishing their goals, and it saddens me to see people who don’t believe it or who don’t understand what it takes.

“One step at a time” was the most helpful piece of advice for me. My goals themselves seemed unreachable until I broke them down, step-by-step, and started at the beginning, a little at a time. What is your goal? What are you dreams? Start today by making a roadmap for reaching them. What is your “Step One?” Start there.

I finally accomplished my goal of publishing two ebooks. How to Have Fun in Recovery and 365 Ways to Have Fun Sober are finally out there for the world to read. Of course now my next goal is for my ebooks to do well, and getting this far has given me confidence in myself. I’m so proud of myself, and that’s a feeling I haven’t felt in too long. I want everyone else to feel that way, too.

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Struggling with Negative Thoughts about Yourself

I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and weekend. For me, it was very refreshing to see some of my extended family. It got me thinking, “Why don’t we have meals together more often?” I’m happy we have the holiday of Thanksgiving to do it, but I wish we made more of an effort all year long to get together. Just a thought...

Anyway, today I want to talk about the negative thoughts we addicts tend to have about ourselves (especially in early recovery). I received a comment from someone asking for advice on how to handle those negative thoughts, and I think it’s an important topic. We tend to feel things like guilt, shame, anger, worthlessness, and disappointment. I know I’ve felt - and still sometimes feel - those ways about myself. How do you deal with it?

For me, developing positive self-esteem has been the biggest thing. You can read more that I’ve written about boosting your self-esteem here and here. In order to truly conquer the negative thoughts you have about yourself, you have to begin thinking positively about yourself instead. It’s not easy whatsoever, but it all boils down to having confidence.

Of course, confidence isn’t something that develops overnight. It’s a process, and it takes practice. As addicts, we’re not used to valuing ourselves. We certainly didn’t value ourselves during our active addiction. Quitting drugs and alcohol is the first step, and the importance of that step shouldn’t be overlooked. You absolutely should be giving yourself credit for the courage and dedication it took to admit you had a problem, get help for it, and stop using.

Unfortunately, too many addicts don’t give themselves the praise they should for quitting. You have to remember that addiction is a disease. You did not use drugs and alcohol to such an extent because of any moral failing; you used that way because your brain chemistry made it incredibly difficult for you to resist. You deserve praise for realizing you had the responsibility to get yourself help and for doing so successfully.

Then, you have to forgive yourself. Again, this isn’t easy, but it’s imperative. You have to forgive yourself for the things you did while you were in your active addiction by remembering that you weren’t the same person then. Understand that those things are in the past, and you cannot change the past. The only thing you can do is move forward in a more positive way, which you are doing now. Eventually, you’ll be able to forgive yourself for your mistakes (everyone makes them!).

Finally, start turning your negative thoughts into positive ones by catching yourself in “the act” of negative self-talk. Are you thinking that you’re ashamed of your past? Instead, think about how you’re proud of yourself for turning things around and for being the person you are now.

You need to treat yourself as you would treat your nearest, dearest friend or family member. Would you want them to continue feeling bad about themselves? Would you constantly remind them of the poor choices they made? If not, why would you do it to yourself? With a more positive, self-aware attitude, along with continuing treatment for your addiction (whatever that is), you should be able to conquer those poisonous negative thoughts before you allow yourself to be torn down by them.

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Celebrate Your Gratitude - All Year Long

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and that makes me pretty much obligated to write a post on the topic of “giving thanks.” When I think about the Thanksgiving holiday, I think about gratitude. It’s the one day of the year when we’re specifically encouraged to be grateful. We’re supposed to spend special time with our family and loved ones while recognizing the positive impact they have in our lives. We’re reminded to “count our blessings.”

Personally, I think gratitude should be an integral part of everyone’s daily lives. We should strive to be grateful all the time and not only on a holiday. In the recovery community in particular, gratitude is something that’s stressed a lot, but it’s something that applies to everyone.

We need to be thankful for the positive things in our lives because it’s how we stay positive and on the right track (whether in recovery or not). Gratitude helps us appreciate life and stay grounded in our recovery; it reminds us how much better our lives are in recovery than they ever were before. And all of that helps us to avoid relapse and to be happy, productive members of society.

I always thought the concept of a gratitude journal sounded really cheesy - until I tried it for myself. It might not sound appealing to you either, but I would encourage everyone to give it a try for at least a week. A gratitude journal (i.e. a notebook or Word document) is a place for you to record at least one thing you’re grateful for every night. You could write about something very significant, like your friends, or you could write about something in particular that happened to you during the day, such as receiving a compliment from a stranger or catching the sunset. You can be vague or provide detailed descriptions - whatever you write it is up to you.

I’ll give you an example of what my gratitude journal is like.

When I started it, I wrote a list of the things I am most grateful for in life, which included my son, my family, my friends, our health, my recovery, a place to live, a good car, a job that I enjoy, and nature.

Yesterday, I wrote: Today I was grateful for the support of my father, the happiness of my son, the fact that the rain storm wasn’t as bad as expected, and my boyfriend.

My gratitude journal is a pick-me-up for anytime I’m feeling down. Reading it reminds me of all the positive things in my life even when the negatives seem overwhelming. Just the simple act of writing a few sentences in it every night has improved my overall mood and outlook on life. As someone who struggles with depression, it’s been a very helpful tool for me.

A gratitude journal is so simple, but also so powerful. What do you think about giving it a try? Does anyone keep a gratitude journal already? If you don’t want to keep a daily journal, try writing a “master list” of things you’re grateful for so that you have something to read when you need some uplifting. I’d love if you would share some of the things you’re grateful for today in the comment section. I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

Finding True Deliverance in the Mouth of the Beast

I apologize for not updating more recently. I've been dealing with some health issues. All is well - I just needed some extra time to take care of a few things. Look for new posts from me in the next few days. 

For your reading pleasure, here is an awesome guest post written by Sober Nation writer Tim Powers! Enjoy! Let us know what you think in the comments!

Finding True Deliverance in the Mouth of the Beast

When an individual is about the leave rehab, a halfway house, or a similar form of sober living and enters the jungle that can be the real world uncertainty and doubt is often at the forefront.  Leaving the comforting womb of structure, support, and stability and entering the visceral maw of day-to-day living can rub at the seams of one’s sanity threaten to tear asunder the framework built upon the foundations of pain, sweat, revelation and rediscovery.  Jumping back into the fray with both feet is the common response after being out of the game.  However, that tunnel vision mentality often has undone the fragile eggshell constitution of the newly sober.

Staying true in recovery in real time involves being aware of feelings and recognizing them for what they are.  It is alright to feel thoughts of wanting to use…it is normal.   One can’t erase those poisoned years overnight.  It takes time to slow down your thought processes enough to realize those voices one hears are compelling someone to dwell on the revisionist history of their past.  Those voices whisper only about the highest of times and leave out the debris the bad decisions left in its wake.

Staying true in recovery is finding voice to those feelings and finding healthy ways to express those feelings.  It can be finding a twelve-step meeting and sharing those feelings in real time.  It can be finding a creative outlet like music.  It can be transforming the physical being through exercise or transforming the mental being through spirituality.  Addiction wants one to internalize emotion and remain silent in the facing of obstacles in recovery.  Finding healthy ways to externalize those thoughts and feelings promotes healing.

Staying true in recovery is realizing those things learned in rehab and the halfway houses are tools in the proverbial toolkit that need to be utilized to unlock knowledge and confidence.  Recovery is holistic and requires some form of nourishment in order to progress.  Working a program and getting a sponsor, finding people who are strong in recovery and replacing bad influences with positive ones.  It isn’t just about plugging the jug…it is about changing the mindset, the people and places.

Staying true in recovery means that recovery is understood as a journey and not a destination.  With each day that passes one discovers new things about themselves no matter how small or sublime it may be.  The very act of recognizing those small revelations opens new doors to awareness.  Some days will be good and some won’t be so good, and that is OK.  As long as one moves forward (even if it is baby steps) it is a victory.  One day at a time…staying true to your sober self from the time one wakes up to the time one lays their head down…that is the true key.  

Tim Powers – bald, tattooed, a business professional by day and rocker by night. Sober by the grace of God since the 8th of May in the year of our Lord 2003. Sharing my stories and myself in order to pay it forward. You can follow me on Twitter @tpowersbass42

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store). 

The Stigma of Addiction

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the stigma of addiction. For people who don’t truly understand the disease, “addiction” is considered a very negative mark on someone’s personality. The worst misunderstanding is that addicts aren’t good people. That misunderstanding is why there’s so much shame and secrecy in the recovery community. We don’t want to be labeled “addicts.”

I am an addict. I hate the label (and labels of any sort), but it’s true, and I’m still uncomfortable with people knowing so. I always worry what people will think if they find out that I’m in recovery, and it’s a fear that I’ve had to face a lot in the past three years. Fortunately, I’ve never had a bad experience with anyone finding out (knock on wood). I still worry that some people see me differently, but if they do, I haven’t had to directly face any ill will because of it.

However, I don’t think that’s because everyone is understanding and knowledgeable about the disease. Several times I’ve actually faced the stigma of addiction in a different way than I expected: Some people who have only known me after my active addiction think that I must be exaggerating my claim of being in recovery - that because I’m such a good person now and appear so put together, I can’t actually be a real addict.

When I get that reaction from people, I tread lightly. I try to take advantage of the opportunity to debunk the stigma of addiction for them, but I’m also careful not to bash myself too much. “No, really, I USED to be a horrible person! But I was only such a horrible person because of my DISEASE. You know I’m a good person, right? Well, that’s the REAL me. But I promise you, I am your typical addict; I used to do some terrible shit! Let’s not get into that… just trust me! I was bad!”

It’s almost funny to me, but then it makes me sad. Hopefully, by putting myself out there, I can make a small difference in the way some people view the disease of addiction. In my case, I’m also very open (oftentimes more so) about my depression. Mental illness of any kind is terribly misunderstood. I want people to see it for what it is - a sickness, just like any other sickness.

Everyone needs to understand the disease of addiction because it is a fatal disease. All the addicts who are too ashamed to admit their condition have their lives at even greater risk. In recovery, we should be able to tell the people close to us about our addiction without fear of repercussion, because if we can’t, we have less of the support that’s so crucial for avoiding relapse. If addiction stops carrying such a negative connotation, we can move from being ashamed of our pasts to being proud of ourselves for our strength in the face of disease.   

I’m curious to hear what the readers of Sober Nation have to say about the stigma of addiction and their experiences with it. What do you think?

Lisa M. Hann is a freelance writer and author who specializes in addiction recovery. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Temple University. She resides in New Jersey with her son. She has been sober since 2010 and is a Caron PA alum. She is the author of "How to Have Fun in Recovery" and "365 Ways to Have Fun Sober" (available in the Kindle store).