Meditation

Meditation is something I could never picture myself doing. My thoughts fly around so fast I just assumed I would be stuck with my thinking my whole life. The only solution to my racing thoughts was drugs and alcohol and when I gave that up I was at a loss. I remember in early recovery I would get really frustrated because I couldn't quiet my mind. However, I surrounded myself with a strong support group and voiced my frustration to them constantly.They continued to give me the same suggestion over and over again. Meditation. But, as soon as I envisioned me meditating my mind immediately snapped shut to this theory. I just pictured a negative outcome. 

One day I decided to take the suggestion after realizing my best efforts had failed miserably. I sat down and tried to focus on my breathing just as one of my friends suggested. It was incredibly tough at first. I have an alcoholic mentality which means I want everything when I want it. I focused on my breath for maybe 2 minutes. I then got frustrated and gave up. However, I did notice I was a tiny bit more serene then I had been when I started. This gave me hope. Over time I continued to try and meditate when I felt I was on the brink of insanity. But, sure enough, it worked every time.

Meditating has now become a staple in my recovery. I'm not perfect at meditating, if there is such a thing, but I'm steadily improving. I went from meditating once a week for 2 minutes to meditating at least once a day for anywhere from 10-20 minutes. I now try to rely on meditation to calm my racing thoughts, replace my fear with faith, and help me take a step back from situations that baffle me. Meditating has saved me many times from acting out on my will, helped me realize numerous things about myself, and helped me get closer to my God. Meditating always saves me when I'm up in my head and the only way I got better is with a little practice.